My “Gimme” List for Mother’s Day

So, as I mentioned before,after reading Denise Bertacchi‘s Mother’s Day list, it got me thinking about what I would want for Mother’s Day.  As I had said, some of her items listed had me  nodding my head in approval, and, well, some left me feeling like a poor, broke, unimaginative girl who would DARE to grace her mama’s table with Stater Bros. bouquets.

The thing is, though, after reading through her ENTIRE list, I actually felt better about myself.  In a world where you’re a lesser person for giving dear ol’ mum a mixed CD of ‘Songs to Tear Her Hair Out To’, I’m easy.  Simple.  Pie.  I, my friends, I’ve decided, am Play-doh: squishy, moldable, and completely without the need of an instruction manual.

So, here’s my “want” list for Mom’s Day.  Look through it.  Ponder it.  Check to see if any of these would work for YOUR mom or wife.  Maybe even keep this list around for future Mom’s Days or birthdays- it never hurts to be prepared.

  • Flowers.  As I said before, no woman REALLY cares where you got them from.  Find a nice bouquet, get a nice vase, and voila!  The only ‘no-no’: don’t just pick a bouquet from the backyard.  You can do that anytime- you SHOULD be doing that anytime.  Don’t empty your bank account, but don’t be cheap, either.  Picking a bouquet says “spur of the moment”; buying a bouquet says “I put thought into this gift- I didn’t forget and then have to pick wildflowers because there was nothing left in the stores.”
  • Peace and Quiet.  One might think they are one and the same- that person would be mistaken.  Peace is when you can hear the kids but they aren’t tearing each other apart in a battle to the death over who plays what game first.  Quiet is when you have moments where you can’t hear them AT ALL and you have a moment to think.  I want both.  Quiet without peace means that ONE of the boys won in that battle to the death and I’ll have a mess to clean up later and questions from the cops that I won’t be able to answer.

(I saw this and now I want me own.)

  • To change my name to ”  ” for one day.  JUST quotation marks.  I got this idea from a comedian I love named Dan Cummins.  He joked that he had legally put quotation marks around his kids’ names so that they couldn’t introduce themselves without making air quote gestures.  He said he had done it to “build character”.  While I don’t know if this is ACTUALLY true or just a shtick for his routine, I like the idea of making my name JUST air quotes for a day.  Imagine your kids yelling for you in air quotes?!  Tell me you wouldn’t laugh.
  • Chocolate.  If this is given in combination with another gift, you can ALMOST get away with anything.  I LOVE me some chocolate.  Do I care if its bar, bagged, or boxed?  Yeeeeeaaaaah…no.  Put a pretty bow on it and let’s call it a day.  In the end, the packaging is like lingerie- it entices the eyes, but it’ll be off soon enough.

  • A weekend IN chocolate.  I want to spend a few days at Chocolate central: The Spa at Hotel Hershey.  Ok, so its not cheap, but -like I said- this is my WISHlist.  Tell me what woman -who LOVES chocolate- wouldn’t want to go to a place where chocolate is king and pampering is queen.  You can’t think of any, can you?  I didn’t think so.  You get to relax, eat chocolate, all while IN chocolate: body wraps, baths, rubs… ahhh… bliss.  Chocolate makes me happy- talk about being happy from the inside OUT.
  • Wine.  Sneak a peak at what I already have on hand and you’ll have an idea of what I would like.  Chances are, WITH ME, you’ll see bottles of different price brackets; reds and whites; sweet and dry wines…  So, if you were to wander down the wine aisle of Trader Joe’s and something catches your eye, chances are, it’d make me happy.  Heck, if it was Winco, I’d be happy.  Look at your own lady’s wine rack- she doesn’t have one?  Probably steer clear of wine.
  • An on call sitter for an hour a night.  Just an hour.  I can get a lot done in an hour- writing, cleaning, surfing the web, etc.  But, also, it’d be nice to put to use that last gift I might have received and its not always easy to drink a glass of wine around the Mini Master.
  • Gift card.  Denise frowned upon -what I think- is one of life’s most valuable gifts you can give- the gift to choose.  Take your pick from wherever- I can make use of a gift card from Pep Boys, for Heaven’s sake.  The key is to spend it all in one place (easy, since its a gift card TO one place) and all on one person- you.  Or, me, in this case.
  • A spider monkey.  What?  They’re cute

 

  • Kitchen stuff.  In my case, more specifically, a turkey roaster or an immersion blender… or both.  Your mom doesn’t cook?  Well, see ABOVE suggestion- well, the one above THAT one.  Pretty sure a spider monkey isn’t for everyone, but a gift card to a restaurant could be a good pick.
  • 3 more hours in the day.  Ok, so maybe this isn’t QUITE feasible, but I’m keeping it on the list until the day it IS.  Some days I feel like the worst mom ever because I’ve done everything on my list EXCEPT spend time with the Natural Disasters.  3 hours=3 boys.  I’d have no excuse.
  • Coupons for chores.  I’m a TAD OCD.  After living in and apartment that was once overrun with cockroaches, I NEED my home clean at all times.  When people call me and ask what I’m doing, the usual response for me is “I’m cleaning”.  I’m sure they think its an automatic response- like when someone asks,”How’ve you been?” and you respond with “Tired”, but its no less true.  I’m ALWAYS cleaning.  So, give me a coupon that says you’ll help.  Let me know I can put you to work.  I might have to train you to clean MY way first (OCD, remember?), but I always welcome coupons like that.

  • Bacon PJs.  I’m trying to understand why you’re making that face.  Oh- you thought I meant PJs MADE FROM bacon?  Well, those would be cool, too, but I’d just like some nice flannel PJs with pictures of my favorite food group.  Yes.  Its a food group.  Because I said so.
  • A car that runs on bubbles.  Really now- have you SEEN gas prices?  I guess I could say water, but bubbles would be lots more entertaining.  You can’t have road rage if someone cuts you off in a car that spews bubbles.  I would think it’d be impossible.  Sure- they cut you off- but look at the bubbles!  It’d be entertaining

 

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