7-up Biscuits

Yes, you read that right.  ‘7-up biscuits’.

I know.  I know.  I thought it was weird when I first heard about them, too, but the reviews on Pinterest intrigued me and I knew it was something I had to try.

Of course, once again, I encountered… issues.

Why in the world do people pin these FANTASTIC looking recipes from sites that ONLY allow you to post pictures?  Its a tease!  Its wrong!  Its oh-so-very wrong.  Food -pardon the expression- is my *ahem* porn.  I LOVE watching the Foodnetwork the way some people watch XXX videos.

However.

I’m one of those people that actually DOES read the magazines for the articles.

The food magazines.  Not those other ones.

Anyways, all that to say that I hate when I see a tasty looking recipe and there’s nothing else.  Not that it deters me, but it just causes more work for me before I can devour something yummy.

So, I looked online, and -wouldn’t ya know it?- this is actually a really well known thing!  I tried it out, and now I’m hooked.  I would eat them with gravy.  I would eat them with butter and honey.  I would eat them by themselves.

I would eat them in a box.

I would eat them with a fox.

Sorry.  Dr. Suess moment.

So, for all you food porn junkies, here’s a pic AND the “article”, if you will.  Enjoy, and you’re welcome.

7 UP (or Sierra Mist) Biscuits
4 cups Bisquick
1 cup sour cream
1 cup 7-up
1/2 cup melted butter

Cut sour cream into biscuit mix. I used my stand mixer, but you can use a fork. You just want to keep the sour cream from scooting around the bowl instead of mixing in.

When its mixed in, it will look kinda crumbly. Add 7-Up. This will bring it all together and make a very soft dough.

Sprinkle additional biscuit mix on board or table and pat dough out.

Pour melted butter into a 9 x 13 inch pan. Place biscuit dough in the pan, pressing down SOFTLY a little more (it helps to sprinkle a little Bisquick on top to keep the dough from sticking to your fingers). It won’t fill the pan completely but that’s ok. It will spread out as it bakes.

(Doesn’t it look pretty already?  And this is pre-baked!)

And, because I’m not healthy in the LEAST, I basted the whole thing with melted butter.  Yes, I did.

Bake at 450 degrees until golden brown. (about 12-13 minutes)

Now, go.  Flee to your kitchen and make a batch.  Or two.  Or 10.  They’re so easy that the only problem you’ll encounter is you’ll eat them all in one sitting.  I promise.  I couldn’t even wait to take the picture before tearing into them- hence, the missing square.  Actually, these would make a GREAT delivery system for all that leftover turkey you have from Thanksgiving.  Maybe later I’ll post a recipe for sausage gravy to go with these.  In the meantime, go get a check up from your doctor to ensure you won’t die from all the amazing pork fat.

Oh, and if you try these and you love them, PIN ME!  Yes, I’m a little bit narcissistic.  Just think of it as you saving the world from pointless pictures of food that go nowhere.

Dear Fat

Dear Fat,

I’m sure, by now, you understand that I meant it when I said we were done.  I know you’re probably feeling a little out of sorts because we’ve been so close for so long.  I can truly say that I’ve never known anyone to stick as close to me as you’ve been, but while I’ve seen our friendship grow, I’ve also noticed other things.

Remember that time in Junior High- with the ice cream cup?  That was when we first became really well acquainted.  You were so sweet.  Form then on, what started off as a simple sundae turned into daily lunches.

And High School!  Oh how our friendship grew.  I started wondering if you were really bad for me then because my pants size grew, too, but every time I was ready and determined to call it quits, you reminded me of why I fell for you.  You’ve always had that kind of hold on me.  Even when- and I know you’ll be jealous hearing this, but I’ve got to say it- I cheated on you with Volleyball, Track, and a pretty healthy lifestyle, I still couldn’t let you go completely.  I think you knew deep down, though, because you seemed to hold on tighter to me, too.

We could’ve been happy together, you and me.

And then you had to go and ruin it by bringing ’round your friends and family.

The first sign our friendship was nearing its end was when I got pregnant with Camo.  I don’t know why you thought it would be a good idea to introduce your pregnant, hormonal companion to all the other lipids in your life, but that was the first moment I caught a glimpse of the real you.  Pants that used to fit nicely over my hips now struggled to make it past my knees; my cheeks took on a chipmunk-ish appearance; and my once smooth thighs now showed dimples.

What had I don’t that you felt the need to abuse me so?

I vowed then and there that I would distance myself from you, and -while I didn’t shut you out completely- I was content in the fact that our friendship didn’t blossom further.

It didn’t, that is, until I met your cousins lard and pork fat.  Sneaky move, bringing them in to meet me.  They seduced me with Mexican food and teased me with Paula Dean cookbooks.

Suddenly, our friendship was closer than ever.

I know, from our history, that our relationship has been on again/off again, so maybe you think this is just a phase- lots of people go through fads; maybe you think I’ll become an Atkins fanatic.

Let me assure you, this will not happen.  It CAN NOT.

Please don’t be sad.  Its not you- its me.  You’ve stuck by me through thick and thicker; I’m just feeling the need to see who I am without you.

So, this is goodbye.  Please don’t try to look for me- its no use trying to get me back.  Honestly, chances are, you might not recognize me in a couple of months anyways.

I want you to know, I still love you deeply.  You’ll probably always have a place in my heart.  I want the best for you, though, so if you find yourself feeling lonely, please don’t hesitate to make new friendships.  You won’t hurt my feelings.

In fact, I was JUST watching TV the other day and I noticed how many actresses could really use a friend like you.  TELL me that having a Hollywood bud wouldn’t just make your year.

So, that’s it.  I’ll miss you.  Have a great life- I’ll see you in the tabloids!

(Sorry- if you don’t get this pic, you need to watch Dr. Who more.)

~Amber