Failing Beautifully

This morning I awoke to the sound of yelling and a tiny human hitting me in the head.  For the next 3 hours, all of my thoughts were punctuated by the words “I want”, “Mom”, and “Why”; and anytime I sat down for even a fraction of a second, I had one or more of the boys clamoring for my attention, or more so, for my ability to do something for them.  This was all before I’d been able to even have a cup of HOT coffee.

Not for the first time, I checked the user agreements on Craigslist and Ebay to see if, at the very least, it was at all possible to time share my kids.  I mean, there HAS to be a wonderful couple out there that wants to experience parenthood, without all the muss and fuss of pregnancy, labor and delivery, right?  This could be their answer!  But, alas, apparently when you try to get rid of your children- even if only for a little while- the words “abuse” and “child endangerment” are thrown around.  Sheesh.

The thing is, I know I’m not a bad mom (even if the oldest boy thinks so when I nix his plans for a Friday night).  I love my boys- more than any human on the planet could love another.  I just have days where I want to run away.  That’s all.

Or, at the very least, hunt down the creators of Taratabong and Tilly Knock Knock and…


Well, we’ll just leave it at that.

Today (ok, yesterday, too) has just been a long, exhausting day filled with WAY too many moments that stressed me out, crushed my patience, and all but pulverized the tiniest fragments of sanity that I have left.  I’ve yelled, threatened, and probably made some terrifying faces during the course of it all (no mirror was around for me to see for sure, thank God), but I’m still a good mom, and its important that I say that.

Because everywhere you look today, everyone (including some well meaning Christian sites), will unitentionally tell you that if you’re a GOOD mom, then you won’t lose your cool.  That if you’re a GOOD mom, you’ll find a kinder way to get your point across.  If you’re a GOOD mom, a harsh word will never cross your lips.  That GOOD moms are always able to step away, count to 10, breathe deep, and then respond to the mattter at hand.  That GOOD moms will always find a way to keep a level head.

The problem is, all this talk about what a good mom does or doesn’t do, can leave a struggling mom thats having a rough go of it and barely hanging on, feel even worse- because her teenager was giving her an attitude and she was baited into arguing back; she allowed her kids more than the recommended time on the computer one *ahem* every *cough* day so that she could have a few moments to herself; or that time she was SO TIRED of hearing her name being called (“mom”-because what other name SHOULD she have?), that she snapped at her 3 year old that just wanted to show her something “cool”.

I’m a good mom.  Good doesn’t mean “perfect”, but the last time I checked, nobody I know could turn water into wine or feed a small army with just the lunch of a small boy.

Trust me.  I checked.  Those 2 miracles would come in REALLY handy around here.

Yep.  I’m a good mom.  I yell, I fight, I argue, I threaten, I bribe, and I blackmail when the situation calls for it, but I also love my family with a love that can’t be measured.  If you aren’t perfect, you aren’t alone.  You’re still a good mom, too.  I’ve been told that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, and -shocker- he also knew LONG before we had these kids that at times we’d suck hard & fail miserably- and, yet, here we are.  Failing beautifully.

We’re still good moms.  God thinks so, too- even if we DO look for loopholes on EBay occasionally.