Tag Archives: presents

To Whom It May Concern

Before every birthday or holiday, I am asked what the boys would like to receive.  This year I’m beating you all to the punch and posting this.

 

Yesterday I got out of bed- MY bed- and stepped on a Lego, kicked a Hot Wheel, and tripped over a block all before I reached my bedroom door.

After I got past the baby gate -which had OBVIOUSLY not done its job- I collided with a xylophone, 3 balls, a dump truck, and a toy drum stick.

When I got to the boys’ room, I had to yell for Bug to wake up- “yell”, because I didn’t want to wade through the sea of toys that carpeted their bedroom floor.  When it was apparent that no amount of hollering was going to wake up my sweet middle child, I inched my way through the toy Chernobyl toward his bed.  Even taking care to only step on soft, fluffy items didn’t save my feet from being gouged by a Spongebob figure and more Legos.

Part me hoped that he would stub his toe on a Thomas the Train figure so that MAYBE he would realize the need for cleanliness, but as I watched him deftly maneuver his way through the maze like a professional ballerina, I knew it wouldn’t happen.  This wasn’t his first dance in the ring- he’d long ago figured out where the land mines were.

After I left, I passed back by the dining room where a remote control car -sans remote- and an Optimus Prime mask sat waiting under the table.  I also happened to notice more colorful blocks with that well known logo that had been pushed to the wall in a long line, as if waiting for their turn to be a part of a sculpture that would never come to be.

And a glance at the wine cabinet revealed that it now housed -not wine bottles- but crayons.

I really needed coffee at this point, but a look at the kitchen -which was APPARENTLY the “happening” meeting place for MORE Hot Wheels- persuaded me to wait a bit longer.

After the older boys left for school, I went to turn on some PBS for the Mini Master so I could finally make some coffee, but I couldn’t find the remote.  I looked under the couch and found 3 more Hot Wheels.  I looked in the laundry room and found a plush Woody doll.  I looked near the office area and found 2 fake phones and a couple of plastic dinosaurs.

I finally found it, though.  It was in the laundry basket in our room, along with “Creepy Cat”, 2 ‘Little People’ animals, and another car, all covered by clean clothes.

After the boys got home, I demanded they clean.  I had just spent a good couple of days straightening up, and they destroyed it in 1, so this time THEY were cleaning.  Their lives -and my sanity- depended on it.  So they did.  They did a pretty good job of it, too.

But last night, when I went to tuck them in, I waded through a fresh sea of toys and stepped on the remote for that remote control car I’d seen earlier.  I put up the baby gate to the bathroom and saw a multitude of bath toys everywhere.

And everywhere I went, Legos created a path, like a trail of plastic bread crumbs, marking my path to freedom.

Now, I’m sure many of you would read that and say,”Well, kids need toys and they OBVIOUSLY make use of them,” but I feel I must point out some crucial info:

  1. Nicholas was the Lego and Hot Wheel culprit, and he wasn’t playing with them, as I later found out; he was using them as projectiles to bomb Stever the cat with.
  2. And neither of the older boys could find their shoes earlier on in the day (Nicholas likes to wear everyone’s shoes around the house so we can play the fun game of ‘Where are they?’), so the boys had torn all the toys BACK out to search for their much needed footwear.

To top it all off, once home, after finishing up with their chores and schoolwork and what not, both had claimed they were “bored”.  They’re both grounded from video games currently for unrelated reasons, so I told them,”You have a million toys- go play.”  Did they?  No.  I later found them making paper airplanes while the Mini Master walked around with his brother’s underwear on his head, growling.

So, the moral of my little story: they do not need toys, games, blocks, Legos, crayons, etc.  My feet and sanity cannot take it anymore.

Don’t want to show up empty handed?  Get them printer paper, or -apparently- underwear.  Please.

Maybe that won’t be the gift that has them shrieking from excitement, but I guarantee you, a week from the day, the rest of the toys will be strewn about, broken, missing parts, maybe never even having been played with, and there my boys will be.

Sitting among the chaos.

With paper airplanes.

And underwear on their heads.

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Happy Warden’s Day

Oops- I mean Happy MOTHER’S Day.  Oh well.  In this house its PRACTICALLY the same thing lately.

I guess its not QUITE Mother’s day yet- that’s just me.  I like to jump the gun.

Ok, not really.  Its just that I saw this list (I’m about to pick apart) on another site and I couldn’t help writing a response.  It didn’t ASK for a response, but that’s ALSO just me- I comment when its not needed.  Its very possible I need a life, but oh well.  This is a valid post.

I saw a list on Kirkwood Patch and in it, the author – Denise Bertacchi– wrote that -while homemade gifts are great when you’re a 2 year old (my wording), when you get older (like me) its better to think outside your average box ‘o’ chocolates- or bag, if you’re a “cheapskate”.  You’re more than welcome to head to that site to see her reasoning for each of the items on the list- some are really good reasons- seriously- I nodded my head in agreement for a few.  Then there were some that, well, I’m going to have to write my own list here in a few for what I would really like for Mother’s Day- probably tomorrow’s post.  Or maybe I’ll ACTUALLY post that one ON Mother’s Day.  I think some of my “wants” are probably a “no- no” according to her, but that’s ok.  And, sorry for making you head to that site to see her list- I would repost her entire list, but then you’d NEVER get through this entry.

So, hang with me while I pick it apart- not because she’s wrong (some I agree with)- but purely for entertainment value.  Come on- you like to be entertained and you know it.

Grocery store flowers.”  Every day I’m BOMBARDED by dandelions picked while walking from the car to the front door.  Not just by the Natural Disasters- by my dear, sweet hubby, as well.  While I treasure EVER single one (because it shows that they saw them and thought of me), flowers from ANY other source are welcome.  Would I prefer 1-800-Florist to deliver a bouquet of gorgeous non-dandelions to my front door?  Yes!  Would I enjoy the Top Ramen we’d probably have to eat all the next month to pay for that bouquet?  Prolly not.  Fun Fact:  Dandelions picked from a walk way last longer in a small vase of water than a bouquet ordered from EVERY site out there for buying flowers.  Flowers purchased at the nearest Shop and Go?  STILL last longer.  Its like they’re WILLING themselves to live so they can outlast their expensive counterparts.

Bag of chocolate.”  Would I love a giant box of chocolates?  Um, yes.  Would I love a giant box of EXPENSIVE chocolates?  OF COURSE!  Would I love to know that my husband had to pre-sell a kidney to buy said chocolates?  Or that my -one day- grown children had to sell platelets to get me some Godiva?  Pass me the Dove.  And, really now- are you going to be disappointed if your kids were tight on money but they went out of their way to get you SOMETHING?  Be careful how you answer- you might screw yourself out of that bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs come Easter time.

Cheap wine.”  I LOVE wine.  I cook with it; I drink it; I drink it WHILE I cook with it.  I’ve had *ahem* wine connoisseur friends bring me fancy schmancy expensive wine, but you know what?  Sometimes its the CHEAP wine that tastes best.  Maybe its because you know you didn’t have to take out a mortgage on your house to buy a bottle, but I think that its because -sometimes- cheap isn’t ALL that bad.  My parents tout that their ‘2 buck chuck’ purchased at the $.99 store (just wait- that’s last on this list) is the best they’ve had.  Don’t underestimate bargain wines.  Sure, you could do something AMAZING like what she said (a trip through wine country for dear old mom), but the money spent to fund that trip could just as easily fund mom’s wine cabinet.  One lasts the weekend, the other, well, it depends on the cabinet.

Discount jewelry.”  Ok, I agree with this one.  PLEASE no macaroni necklaces, future grown children.  Not unless those pasta pieces are covered in 24K love.

Gift cards.”  Is this woman CRAZY???  Gift cards are AWESOME!  They’re like “Build Your Own Gift Adventures!  Feeling sexy AND hungry?  Go to Target and get some cute undies and beef jerky… albeit, not the most cohesive combo, it could be TONS of fun to watch the face of the cashier at the check out.  The fact is, we spend most of our money on our kids- who in their RIGHT mind is going to turn up their noses at a chance to go a little crazy shopping for themselves?

Small appliances.”  Ok, maybe its just me since I’m a cooking fanatic, but I LIKE getting small appliances.  As I’ve said before- nothing says “I love you” QUITE like Black and Decker.  Ok, don’t say it.  I know- I’ve got issues.

Exercise equipment.”  Ok.  I get this one.  Unless your mom sleeps, eats, and breathes working out, don’t give her a tangible gift that says,”You’re looking a little pudgy.”  She will take it the wrong way, and the only exercise that will occur will be you.  Running for the door.

DIY facials.”  Ok.  I see her point.  Its a sweet gesture, but it MIGHT be nicer to spring for something more elaborate- like an ACTUAL facial.

Coupons for chores.”  Denise said why offer coupons when you could just offer up your services THAT day.  Good point, HOWEVER, that’s making the assumption that mom will be home on Mother’s Day.  I say, offer up your services, but giving her a card with coupons in it showing dates you WILL be coming by -instead of waiting for her to redeem them (which we all know won’t happen because it brings to mind days past when you were a little kid and she had to ask you to clean your room).  Post the dates so you both have something to look forward to.  Maybe even go a little further by bringing her a little something every time you head over.  In the end, I hate cleaning.  If you give me coupons with the promise of a cleaner future, I’m game.

A day out with the family.”  Would I like to get out without the family?  Of course.  Is that possible?  Usually- no.  If I was to wait to get out without the family, I’d never get out.  So, fine- let’s DO a family day… I’ll be sure to bring the duct tape in case things get crazy.

Anything from the Dollar Store.”  Has she ever BEEN to the $.99 Store???  That place ROCKS!  You can get Lunchables, 2 for a buck!  Now, I get it- mom doesn’t want 2 Lunchables, but don’t knock that place til you’ve scanned the aisles.  As I pointed out before, they have some good 2 Buck Chuck, apparently, and -if all else fails- you can find a card that’s JUST as sappy as any Hallmark store- without spending $5.

Be on the lookout for MY “Gimme” list.  I’ll post it Mother’s Day- or maybe before, for those of you too lazy to think of what to get mom and need ideas.